Bluesy-Eyed

It's the 2 year jitters, and I am all bluesy-eyed.

Maybe it's a fallback emotion to being laid off out of the blue just around the 2 year mark, in 2009. That jolt and after shocks continued for a long time before life rebounded to somewhere good and decent and strong. A day doesn't go by that I do not appreciate being of service.

In the last several months, staff have been readied for a corporate transformation that is seeping into my bones. I wake thinking of it; I toss and turn at night, wondering if when we emerge from it, there will be a place for me.

I have compounded concerns. I work with mostly youngsters. In a recent online training day, it was evident that I bested everyone in the room by at least 20 years. It's a young person's game, which it should be, and I came away feeling doubly appreciative of my job.

But it also made me see that my days are numbered. Whether it is by choice or circumstance, inevitably the baton must be passed. I have not gotten in gear and moved plan B business idea off the drawing board and into action.

I think of that *older* woman we occasionally see, wearing too youthful attire and too much make up and dyeing her hair too dark and wearing too vibrant a lipstick. She obviously spent oodles of time on her appearance but is still unaware that her ship has sailed.

Ahem.  Don't wanna be her!!

And so I take to heart what I am feeling as I head to work, put in a solid 8 and sometimes more, and wonder if others who have a job are keenly aware of the precariousness of their position and how hard it would be to recover should it be lost.  

If this is in the heads of workers everywhere, I am profoundly sad.