Dreams with Feet

I have this old friend. Old, in terms of the thousands of stories we share, but new in the ways we share our lives. We have been friends most of my life. We were college roommates during those silly and hopeful years with conversations full of philosophy, self discovery and heart. We are part of each other's stories, moving forward to raise ourselves, our kids, our hopes. We are not always central in each other's lives. Our friendship expands and contracts, but the heartbeat is always there, a total investment in each other. Her mother, my brother, her brother, my kids, her sister, my parents, her daughter, we are one.

Last night, over a leisurely dinner, we fell into a thoughtful discussion about nature and nurture, always a great topic when observing our kids. All the preparation in the world can't prepare a child to meet life head on. As they flounder along, we mused about how too many high-fives for minimum results and soccer trophies for placing 4th creates a false sense of expectations and self importance.

I remember life placing me in check. I was 22 and working my first job in my major. I thought I was a white hot writer and future novelist. But there I was, in a little cubicle with a job to only correct manuscript spelling and punctuation. No silver platter, or anything...

Life takes work, and as I like to say: the only way around it is through it. Painful or not, our children will have to figure out how to live without summer vacations. Life occasionally gives high fives and trophies, but they won't get rest stops. It is a constant push to maintain the status quo, make gains and exceed them. No one is going to hand it to them, cute as they were in their Halloween costume in their kindergarten parade. They are the only ones that can make their dreams grow feet.

I had a great conversation with a co-worker who was describing his invalid father as the most emotionally well adjusted man his doctors had ever seen. It's not that he is happy with his physical limitations, but he has come to terms with it without sacrificing his work ethic, self value and purpose in life.

There is a nugget of wisdom here, one worth passing on to our children if we can. The core of who we are needs to shine. We don't get to choose what life dishes out, but we do choose our response. Being the best workers, friends, spouses, children and parents makes a bold statement about life skills they will need. And in the end, let the final lesson be that life is challenging and incredibly worthwhile, even without the standing ovation.

Anyone's Guess

Most of life includes an element of risk. I can say with absolute certainty that the only regrets I have are times I wasn't daring enough to risk the win.

And so as we age, our bodies and minds become less limber, and we become someone unrecognizable to who we once were, the free spirit, whole earth zen bunny from our glory days who stores our sense of self. We scarcely notice the changes in spirit but they are there.

There is a soaring sense of hope when love envelops us in comfort and safety. It is very alluring. But when we let life beat us into a box, out comes the intolerances that have overtaken our souls. How it ends is anyone's guess.

Thanks, Dad

John Mayer's lyrics, Daughter

I know a girl, she puts the color inside of my world
She's just like a maze, where all of the walls all continually change
I've done all I can to stand on the steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see maybe it's got nothing to do with me

Fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn in to mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters, too

Oh you see that skin, it's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left cleaning up the mess he made

Reprise

Boys you can break, find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong, boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without warmth of a woman's good heart

On behalf of every man looking out for every girl
You are the God and the weight of the world

Reprise
Reprise

Out with the Old

Our friend Patriot gave up the ghost this week, after five years of companionship and enjoyment. I'm not sure the life expectency of a Beta Fighting Fish, but he was a wisened old fella who came to the top of the bowl for a pat on the fin and puffed up to remind us it was dinnertime. He had a good life.

I'm watching a burgundy fancy fighter named Wasabi who was yesterday's purchase and is destined to become the Advisory class mascot tomorrow. Randy picked Sherman for home and Sherm has a brilliant royal blue body with fins trimmed in bright red. He is still in hiding, probably planning a big offensive.

We discovered a leak in the hall in late June from the a/c drain and insurance will help us replace some of the flooring. Some big decisions need to be made: replacing the heater and a repair or replacement of the a/c; flooring in the hall, the livingroom and the oval office. Complicated by the 'while we're at it' thinking which I am famous for, there have been earnest negotiations going on for the last several weeks.

We were astonished to learn the furnace was the original unit from 1969, still working and serving us well, giving heat on demand and without complaint for 40 years. Admittedly there are more energy efficient units on the market and rebates, too, but will they be able to boast that kind of longevity and service forty years from now? Are American products even being made to last? Either way, the old fella needs to go.

But the a/c unit is only about 14 years and just needs a tune up and repair, although we are being enticed by the sales promise of 30% savings with the new unit. But wait! The savings would only be on the a/c portion of the bill, and so the yield would be relatively small for the four months a year we actively use it. It would take ten years to recoup the cost of replacement. Final answer: we will replace the heater, repair the a/c, and wait for the eventual ban on freon. Add some paint and flooring inside after insurance kicks in and we're back in business.