The Law of Averages

I hate to admit it but I think the guys are right on this one. Chicks are crazy.

A guy trying to win a woman will do a series of thoughtful and considerate things and, say, hit the mark 80% of the time. A woman thinks from that display that he understands her. He's encouraged that things are working nicely and sticks with the plan, trusting in the law of averages and the clues she gives him along the way. Life is good.

And then a crisis hits. It could be the death of someone close, the loss of self esteem, a crisis of faith. She pulls back, relying on her inner processing unit to work it through, and stops communicating while she desperately looks for safe footing. Sometimes she can do it herself; often she can't. She doesn't know anything about his law of averages. All she knows is that her man has met most of her needs up until this point, and she assumes he will know what she needs. Under these circumstances, his law of averages routine doesn't work and their relationship enters a crisis.

That's very true in friendships as well. Years and years of friendship assumes you know somebody through and through. It speaks to a level of trust that says -- I Will Be There. A crisis shatters even the best of friends when they don't know what to do, how to help, or when. I can only imagine how much harder it is for a guy to understand and react to the signs when as a woman I struggle like crazy. I sometimes drop the ball and miss the trail of bread crumbs, too.

This is a great reminder of how important communication is. When things seem dire and scary, whatever a woman says translates into needing a hand to hold. She can say whatever she wants, but those who love her need to stand by her, if only to hold the nightlight.

A Bigger Pond

My students are a willful group and that has gotten them to this little pond we all share. They know every plant, every sound and the rocks that are safe to jump into deeper water. Having lived more life than most of us by the tender age of 17, they are reluctant to let go.

They have already felt parts of their life dissolving like sand under their toes and drawn out to sea. They know why it scares them to move to a bigger pond: the door between high school and college will have no handles should they want to return. They are hyper aware of the opportunities but the risk is in giving up the safety net and their sense of security.

It has been said that great achievement accompanies great risk. The juncture of moving from who we are to who we are becoming is a vast individual leap. It is not easy or slow or painless, and sometimes it means going it alone with nothing but warm memories. It takes a strong sense of self to scoop up life, tuck it under your arm and make a run for it.

Like settlers, they will have to find the courage to forge their path. With great fanfare and tears they will head off, facing challenges and unexpected setbacks. Some will make it to Iowa before turning back, learning about themselves how far is too far. Some will come over the Rockies and make a go of it in the beautiful, rich farmland of Colorado. And some will make it all the way to the Pacific, those big dreams tangible and real as they run towards the waves and the hard, wet sand.

Exorcise

I sit here tonight just having walked through the door. It's been a week of late nights, and my sweetheart is fast asleep. My day is filled with unimaginable things to him, earnest conversations and demands for my time that are far removed from his world.

The quiet love from the room calls to me, welcomes me home, wonders where I have been. What is it that pulls me forward and into and through a whirlwind kind of day, each day busier than the last? Why my relentless drive?

I miss you, I whisper as I curl into sleep, into love, longing for the contact of a warm embrace, hand in hand for walks and a laugh. I have come to see an exorcise is in my future.