By and large, I've had a boringly healthy life. My mother was a strong and healthy woman through her 70s. Gratefully, I am a chip off the old block. No heart/joint/diabetes/blood pressure issues like many of my friends. Doctors still comment on me being nearly sixty and on no regular medications.
So when I was diagnosed with Melanoma in 2006, I was shocked. Shocked by the shell cracking open, but also by the speed at which I justified it. I have fair skin, this damage was likely from all that time on the Santa Cruz beach when I was a teen, or maybe the years under the Arizona sun in my 30s. It was removed the day it was diagnosed and no follow up radiation or chemo was necessary. I was assigned for quarterly visits for a couple of years. In other words, a pass.
I'm a cancer survivor who doesn't feel like I earned the spot. I didn't have to suffer through treatment. The lesson I failed to learn is the only reason it went down that way was because it was caught early.
Fast forward to 2014, and again a suspicious spot that looked similar to the one that had been on my arm. It looked like a cluster of freckles: no raised areas, no red edges, no center dot. It was biopsied and sure enough, it was a melanoma - and quickly removed. I am now a high risk which means, for now, quarterly visits for life. Another pass.
When I got home, and the Hubs and I were talking things over, he showed me a spot on his forearm and went in for a biopsy and it, too, was a melanoma. He has Italian Mediterranean good tanning skin, and never worried much about time in the sun. Skin cancer affects all skin types.
There are a lot of types of skin cancer but Melanoma is the most deadly. An advanced melanoma can move quickly from the surface to the lymph nodes and invade internal organs such as the liver and kidneys. It is as deadly as other forms of cancer if not caught early. My Doc's rule of thumb is to have any changes in your skin checked out. Melanoma won't always look like the photos online.
For me, the gift of Melanoma is its visibility. It lets me actively participate in my health by monthly self-checks, the way I do breast checks. We get the choice to intervene before it becomes life threatening. As for all those sun worshipper times as kids? Let's make sure our children and grandchildren understand the advantages of sunscreens and cover-ups for a long and healthy life. As it turns out, wrinkles aren't the biggest worry that's out there.
Nov 14, 2014
Buying Admission
One of the best parts of getting older is to be in the position of lending a hand now and again. It is an equal blessing. Luck and circumstance have a lot to do with being able to say and do this, and it is a good reminder how extraordinary it is to be part of an all-in family.
Being in a position to help the kids from time to time is one of my greatest joys. Everyone needs a hand, and growing up I certainly did. But my lessons about borrowing money involved people who had an agenda to the gift, and the fine print that bought them extra privileges in my life.
Some loaners use money to buy admission. It usually happened with a bigger loan for a down on a car or money to finish school. All of a sudden they have opinions about your life and expect to see you whenever they want. They feel they have paid to have a more impactful role in your life. By the time you realize there were terms to the loan, it's too late.
Things come up like, "Oh I understand, I set aside the whole day for you but that's okay, you go ahead and spend it at your cousin's house. How's the car running with the new engine?" Or, "You don't seem very grateful for all the things I've done for you. I'm not asking much for the family to spend Christmas day with me again this year."
Anyone borrowing for debt consolidation forever are advised and judged on the things they buy and their lifestyle choices.
Ours is more of a co-op style with helper loans. The kids have to match funds and have some skin in the game. They are asked to repay when they can. So essentially we are partnering with our adult children to empower fiscal responsibility. There are so many good lessons for a family who focuses on gratefulness. Win. Win.
Being in a position to help the kids from time to time is one of my greatest joys. Everyone needs a hand, and growing up I certainly did. But my lessons about borrowing money involved people who had an agenda to the gift, and the fine print that bought them extra privileges in my life.
Some loaners use money to buy admission. It usually happened with a bigger loan for a down on a car or money to finish school. All of a sudden they have opinions about your life and expect to see you whenever they want. They feel they have paid to have a more impactful role in your life. By the time you realize there were terms to the loan, it's too late.
Things come up like, "Oh I understand, I set aside the whole day for you but that's okay, you go ahead and spend it at your cousin's house. How's the car running with the new engine?" Or, "You don't seem very grateful for all the things I've done for you. I'm not asking much for the family to spend Christmas day with me again this year."
Anyone borrowing for debt consolidation forever are advised and judged on the things they buy and their lifestyle choices.
Ours is more of a co-op style with helper loans. The kids have to match funds and have some skin in the game. They are asked to repay when they can. So essentially we are partnering with our adult children to empower fiscal responsibility. There are so many good lessons for a family who focuses on gratefulness. Win. Win.
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