It's amazing how much of any family crisis is about the poor housekeeping of other relationships. Parent to child, sister to sister, sibling to sibling. Working as a team for the common good is hard when everyone perceives the common good differently.
It's tricky, these family dynamics, and it is distracting. Maybe a little bit less distracting for me, who at the moment appreciates being on the second rung out and not the biological daughter. No shrapnel is flying my way, at least not yet.
Spending time in a skilled nursing facility makes me doubly committed to championing for the rights of the elderly, especially during health challenges. Our facility is fantastic, with loving-faced caregivers and instant responsiveness. The hallways are wide and brightly carpeted with beautifully appointed rooms with big windows. It is spotlessly clean and the food is ample and good.
A cockatiel sits at one end next to the beauty parlor and physical therapy room; and there is a library with reading machine and an aquarium just outside the spacious and comfortable diningroom. Her room is bright with poinsettas and cards, and a wallboard lists the family visit schedule and photos of her friends and grandkids.
This has been a learning circuit as one of her caregivers. First lesson: it's not just about making sure the bed is changed and medications are given. There is a myraid of ways to protect her interests in the life that is waiting for her on the outside. She has opinions and ideas about all of that. Only her family worries about those kinds of things. Only we know her well enough to know what it will take to lift her spirits and keep all of the layers nourished.
That's been the real work: pushing ourselves completely out of the picture to focus on her. I awoke unbelieveably exhausted. Can it really be only Wednesday morning?
She has good and bad days, and swings high on the one side with strong conversations and normal behaviors that are comforting: sitting up and reading her cards, teasing her visitors, smoothing the blankets and fussing with her hair. And when fatigue takes over, she withdraws into her own thoughts and is not very responsive. But she turns her head to listen, her eyes latching onto our faces and the discussion. She hears us, and she understands.
It is then that the weight of the world is on us to safeguard her rights. So much of her life involves that strong independent side. I take her hand, close my eyes and listen with my heart ~ what is it, Joy? I worry that if we do not work hard enough, that part of her life will slip away.
Today I rest and tomorrow am back on watch.
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