It's midnight and I need to get some sleep. I will be spending tomorrow and the next day with Mom and there are a lot of important things to attend to there. But thoughts pour out of my head so fast I can hardly lay down.
I've been thinking all day about the meaning of the term: being of sound mind. Does it mean we make lucid decisions that are always in our own best interests? Or does it mean we fully understand the issue and are deciding for ourselves?
I've been thinking about what it must be like to be suddenly hampered by illness and confined by a body. The frusteration must be immense. What does she think about when she lays facing the wall with her eyes open? Is she having day terrors where she imagines an indefinite future of alzheimer and stroke victim roommates?
Her world had already begun to collapse with failing eyes and ears, but she kept her spirits up with exercising her sharp mind, playing cards and staying active.
The fear factor is a major hurdle to taking back her life. Here we were rushing around trying to ensure her right to participate in decisions pertaining to her life and care, and we have overlooked the importance of safeguarding her fragile emotional state. There are a lot of ways to become a victim.
When my dad died a friend suggested I not make any major decisions for at least a year. That was really good advice. The shock and loss messes with our balance and it sometimes takes that long to find solid ground, like it did me. Mom has had a physical loss of her independence and is struggling to regain her footing. I don't want anything or anyone encouraging co-dependence.
And so to Mom's favorite Italian, we hope love means putting personal desires on hold for the sake of the other. What will this crisis reveal of what is in your heart when this is over? We have to be careful no one takes advantage of her vulnerablities.
We will be protective of everything and everyone for awhile, just to be sure.
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