Dreams with Feet

I have this old friend. Old, in terms of the thousands of stories we share, but new in the ways we share our lives. We have been friends most of my life. We were college roommates during those silly and hopeful years with conversations full of philosophy, self discovery and heart. We are part of each other's stories, moving forward to raise ourselves, our kids, our hopes. We are not always central in each other's lives. Our friendship expands and contracts, but the heartbeat is always there, a total investment in each other. Her mother, my brother, her brother, my kids, her sister, my parents, her daughter, we are one.

Last night, over a leisurely dinner, we fell into a thoughtful discussion about nature and nurture, always a great topic when observing our kids. All the preparation in the world can't prepare a child to meet life head on. As they flounder along, we mused about how too many high-fives for minimum results and soccer trophies for placing 4th creates a false sense of expectations and self importance.

I remember life placing me in check. I was 22 and working my first job in my major. I thought I was a white hot writer and future novelist. But there I was, in a little cubicle with a job to only correct manuscript spelling and punctuation. No silver platter, or anything...

Life takes work, and as I like to say: the only way around it is through it. Painful or not, our children will have to figure out how to live without summer vacations. Life occasionally gives high fives and trophies, but they won't get rest stops. It is a constant push to maintain the status quo, make gains and exceed them. No one is going to hand it to them, cute as they were in their Halloween costume in their kindergarten parade. They are the only ones that can make their dreams grow feet.

I had a great conversation with a co-worker who was describing his invalid father as the most emotionally well adjusted man his doctors had ever seen. It's not that he is happy with his physical limitations, but he has come to terms with it without sacrificing his work ethic, self value and purpose in life.

There is a nugget of wisdom here, one worth passing on to our children if we can. The core of who we are needs to shine. We don't get to choose what life dishes out, but we do choose our response. Being the best workers, friends, spouses, children and parents makes a bold statement about life skills they will need. And in the end, let the final lesson be that life is challenging and incredibly worthwhile, even without the standing ovation.