All of the Above

You know what they say about working by committee: it takes twice as long to get half as much done, and nobody's happy.

Big families know this axiom. The bigger the family, the more likely someone will slack off. There are the doers who always step up, and the others who always step back, relieved, and let them do it all.

But when the stakes are high, does it make sense for only one or two to know what is going on and tell the others - and dredge up all that family dynamic that forms two camps of thought on what to do ... and inevitably forces it to come down to a simple majority vote?

It was different in my family. Everyone had a role: caregiver, logistics, health coordinator. You need a tree removed during Thanksgiving dinner or sprinklers repaired or a blind put up? Got it. You want someone to cook and read to you? Simultaneously? Done.

When my mom didn't understand what was going on and I needed help, I picked up the phone. My brother was surprised by the call (after all, he is a logistics man), but he turned the car around and headed right up. At first I thought that being in a small family meant there is nowhere to hide.

But now I realize it is more about being in tune with the people we care for. Don knew Mom better than anyone else and her preferences, too, even when she could no longer articulate them. He had already asked and answered the burning question we all contemplate as nurturers and caregivers:

If it were me in that bed,
what would I want?