Company gives us an opportunity to reflect on what was and what is, and I've got plenty to say about it not always being a flattering comparison. In the worst case scenario you invite people into your home because you used to know them, and lend them your life before you realize you don't.
That happened years ago with a high school friend. She was coming to Phoenix for a wedding and had a husband and kids in tow. I was an at-home mom and set up for kids with two of my own. We had extra room so of course said they could stay. My friend and I traveled across country together and I felt I knew her, although we had lost touch after high school and she had converted to and married a Mormon in the ensuing years.
It was exciting to meet her husband and little ones, 2 1/2 and 7 months. Between them, there was 1 in diapers and two potty training. She only asked for me to watch them for 3 hours during the wedding, and I agreed.
We gave them our master bedroom which was bigger because they had the little ones and slept in the guest room. Big mistake. They concluded from that they were on vacation. I was forever running around getting towels for the pool, making snacks and meals, cleaning up rooms and changing diapers.
On the wedding day, they took their infant and headed out. Their toddler obviously had never heard the word no before so there were a lot of behaviors that were hard to handle: pouring red juice on the carpet, picking up and throwing whatever he wanted, with my kids looking on. Needless to say, I was anxious for their return. But they did not return. In fact, they were gone for many more hours than what we had agreed, only to return with the intention of dropping off the baby and heading back out.
As the hours ticked by I became increasingly resentful and fatigued. I had not seen my friend in a decade at least, and the entire time we spent together consisted of a late Friday arrival, a quick swim with the kids on Saturday morning, and 7 hours babysitting her son while they socialized with their Mormon friends.
I realized midway through Saturday that she would not have reconnected had we not been able to offer them a free place to stay. I was feeling mad, not just about their inconsiderateness but because of my disappointment. In my head, I thought it would be more. No wonder they were shocked to hear me speak up for myself.
I learned an important lesson that day. It is always about perspective. All she expected was a place to stay and someone trustworthy to watch her kid so they could hang out with the people they came to see. I assumed more.
So this Cardinal Rule is laced with wisdom: Promise nothing and keep it short and sweet.
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