You know that sweet time at night when you find just the right position, on your side, on your back, flat on your belly with your arms under the pillows and puffing them up for your head ... and there are those comfortable moments just before drifting off to sleep?
I like that the right spot isn't right every night. You have to search for it, take the time to try different spots until you find the right fit. Put in effort to make it work. After a brainiac day, it's my left side all the way. After a day on my feet, definitely on the right. And so on.
After leaving a place after a lot of years there, there's a tight link at first with your friends but gradually you start to notice things. Like there's an awkwardness in trying to swap stories and laughs now that the kids aren't playing together. Like talking about your day is ok but you don't share the same people, or the same bargains. Like you begin to carry on with other local people and sometimes that other friendship ends up just behind the curve.
Successful distance friendships are truly astonishing. Somehow two people followed through on the promise to set aside part of their life just for each other. They let it be about something deeper than where or how they met. They share in calling. They crave the sound of shared laughter, the words of encouragement and support, the listening and celebrating a relationship they take responsibility for and share equally. Like a good marriage, maybe. Fair and equitable; hard work but worthwhile.
That is why electronic communication doesn't work as well for me. It messes with the rules of friendship. It doesn't nourish the aspects of friendship that feed its roots, at least not typically. FB / twitter / texting / email most often are used Instead Of rather than In Addition To. Saying hi once a week online and spying on what's going on seems to satisfy some people's curiosity but give me the old call-me-up-and-let's-chat-awhile any day of the week. I'll make the time.
I made the mistake of accepting an e-invite to an event I haven't even been personally invited to attend. How could I know how much of an afterthought it would make me feel?
I see no comfortable spot in the direction this is heading ... well, you catch my drift.
I'm not sure I agree. The medium need not be the message. It's how we use the technology that matters. For me, a quadriplegic with a speech defect, social media breaks my isolation, enabling me to have a voice. John and courted online four four years, and entered marriage knowing each other much, much better than do most couples who date in person. Technology is merely a tool. If we use it well, it can lead to rich, satisfying relationships.
ReplyDeleteYou make an interesting point. I totally agree that technology has opened the world to you and John and impacted your life in amazing and enriching ways. It is hard to imagine life without Randy. But what I mourn is the lazyman's approach that technology provides. More than ever I miss the old fashioned time together sitting side by side with our feet in the pool.
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