Sense of Direction

We saw Eat Pray Love at the first showing on the first day. It was refreshing to leave the theatre not having been killed by something, assaulted by bad language, or exhaused from sex. Even Rman liked it, and for a chick-genre movie, that's a good report.  I picked up the book at Costco and am on page 38. Holy cow, this is my kind of movie.

It's interesting when a movie resonates with how people think and the limits they put on themselves. I can't refer to everybody obviously because I only know a few thousand well enough to understand who is on the same wave length and when they struggle with intimacy and fulfillment. Am I crazy here to think that men typically don't live in that space in their head that holds them back from risks and dreaming big in every direction?

A lot of us women live lives comprised of a thousand little decisions that seem completely separate and socially acceptable and what we think we want -- until suddenly we can't sleep and can't breathe and see walls for the very first time. And when that happens, we look around at the relationships we built and can't remember who they once were and why they are there.

You know my dad used to ask me how I was taking care of myself. My kids were little and running around everywhere and I wondered how could he ask that question? It was a madhouse! I could barely keep up with school and sports, volunteering, my own job, the house, the meals, the pets, and homework checks. I couldn't tell him I thought he was deranged, so I thought about it for a moment and told him I thought 'Me Time' was the quiet reflection I had while folding laundry before falling into bed. He laughed out loud.

Women are different than men, and my opinion is based on those I know and the boys I have raised. Women seem to take more on, give more out, and lose more inbetween. If there is a choice between nurturing others or themselves, the women I know put themselves second (or third). My dad saw that as giving away a stake in our own joy. We can't sit together on the sofa anymore talking about this sort of thing, and he can't ask me how I nurture myself, but if we could he would like my answer.

I would tell him all the things that are different about me and that I have finally learned how to think of every day as a gift. The boys are grown and I am transitioning to a life of purpose separate from that, a woman who nurtures herself with spirituality and vitamins and good food and love and a healthy dose of laughter. I think he would smile knowing I had finally found my sense of direction.