A friend said to me the other day that blogging is journaling in the modern world and I suppose she's right. For me it's like practicing piano, over and over, 45 minutes a day, to see what tumbles out. It's an exercise in putting voice to what it means to be me.
Blogging lets me do something I haven't been able to master in the world at large and that is share what's in my heart. I envy people who have the confidence to be out in the world, to know that what they have to say is interesting enough to capture anyone's attention.
I have felt woefully small most of my life. Maybe it's because I settled for less than I could have been and wasted time trying to be what others wanted me to be rather than discovering what I really wanted for myself. I forgot to set the bar and reach for what would develop into a real purpose and passion. I let myself be underestimated. I came to disbelieve my value.
I Googled my dad's name the other day and there were 4 pages of links. And so in addition to leaving a lasting legacy in the lives of those he loved, teaching the unconditional elements of love and family, he left tangible ones as well through books and speeches. Even for those who didn't know him personally, his works will live on.
Maybe I blog for that reason, too, somewhere a bit of me remains, where I can look back and celebrate God's grace in my life and how wonderful it has been. And who knows, maybe someday this little journal will be a place of value for people to go to when they want to remember and reminisce. I hope it speaks well of how I spent my time.
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