Altruism

In this dizzingly fast paced me-me-me world lives a true altruistic friend. Her mother-in-law had been raising her grandson, my friend's nephew, for most of his life. She'd done a good job, but age has a way of necessitating change and they had approached that point.

She was feeling a little discouraged when she phoned. She'd been mulling over the idea of taking him in and her local friends hadn't been all that encouraging. They wondered aloud why she'd risk adding a troubled teen to her well ordered life. What she essentially wanted to know was if I thought she was nuts.

Honestly, a lot of thoughts jumped to mind. Had she considered how it would unbalance her world and the world of her only child? What about the importance of a peaceful home to someone that needs to decompress? How about the educational goals she has in place, about her finances that hover from paycheck to paycheck? What pressures would it put on the marriage? Instead, I asked her what she had to offer.

She told his story first, about a splintered family life and a grandmother out of her league, about his willful spirit that was becoming more pronounced as he approached the teen years, about where a boy heads when he has no anchor.

Then she offered up what a difference she could make, the stable and loving home with ample food and room enough for him. I was struck by her voice cracking just a little as we talked, feeling honored to have her as a friend and believe the passion she felt for her nephew.

Most of us have altruistic moments where we want to help a little and sometimes do. But how many of us would throw ourselves into an open-ended, lifetime commitment with a lot at stake. What a courageous, selfless thing to do! What a shining example of living large. She got my enthusiastic two thumbs up and an offer to help.

It's been over a year since we had that talk. The state of Nebraska called during the background check and has indeed awarded my friend and her husband custody of their nephew. Sure, there have been some bumps in the road. Rules and boundaries have taken a while, respect and family cohesion issues, too. But all in all it's been a great ride.

Now her calls brim with news about 'the boys' and their activities. Her nephew is flourishing but so, too, is her son. My friend is blossoming as a person, a mother, a teacher, an aunt. Every day, she is a reminder that true altruism thrives, even in this world of ours that seems to have forgotten what that is.