I sit here tonight just having walked through the door. It's been a week of late nights, and my sweetheart is fast asleep. My day is filled with unimaginable things to him, earnest conversations and demands for my time that are far removed from his world.
The quiet love from the room calls to me, welcomes me home, wonders where I have been. What is it that pulls me forward and into and through a whirlwind kind of day, each day busier than the last? Why my relentless drive?
I miss you, I whisper as I curl into sleep, into love, longing for the contact of a warm embrace, hand in hand for walks and a laugh. I have come to see an exorcise is in my future.
Sep 2, 2009
Aug 29, 2009
Dreams with Feet
I have this old friend. Old, in terms of the thousands of stories we share, but new in the ways we share our lives. We have been friends most of my life. We were college roommates during those silly and hopeful years with conversations full of philosophy, self discovery and heart. We are part of each other's stories, moving forward to raise ourselves, our kids, our hopes. We are not always central in each other's lives. Our friendship expands and contracts, but the heartbeat is always there, a total investment in each other. Her mother, my brother, her brother, my kids, her sister, my parents, her daughter, we are one.
Last night, over a leisurely dinner, we fell into a thoughtful discussion about nature and nurture, always a great topic when observing our kids. All the preparation in the world can't prepare a child to meet life head on. As they flounder along, we mused about how too many high-fives for minimum results and soccer trophies for placing 4th creates a false sense of expectations and self importance.
I remember life placing me in check. I was 22 and working my first job in my major. I thought I was a white hot writer and future novelist. But there I was, in a little cubicle with a job to only correct manuscript spelling and punctuation. No silver platter, or anything...
Life takes work, and as I like to say: the only way around it is through it. Painful or not, our children will have to figure out how to live without summer vacations. Life occasionally gives high fives and trophies, but they won't get rest stops. It is a constant push to maintain the status quo, make gains and exceed them. No one is going to hand it to them, cute as they were in their Halloween costume in their kindergarten parade. They are the only ones that can make their dreams grow feet.
I had a great conversation with a co-worker who was describing his invalid father as the most emotionally well adjusted man his doctors had ever seen. It's not that he is happy with his physical limitations, but he has come to terms with it without sacrificing his work ethic, self value and purpose in life.
There is a nugget of wisdom here, one worth passing on to our children if we can. The core of who we are needs to shine. We don't get to choose what life dishes out, but we do choose our response. Being the best workers, friends, spouses, children and parents makes a bold statement about life skills they will need. And in the end, let the final lesson be that life is challenging and incredibly worthwhile, even without the standing ovation.
Last night, over a leisurely dinner, we fell into a thoughtful discussion about nature and nurture, always a great topic when observing our kids. All the preparation in the world can't prepare a child to meet life head on. As they flounder along, we mused about how too many high-fives for minimum results and soccer trophies for placing 4th creates a false sense of expectations and self importance.
I remember life placing me in check. I was 22 and working my first job in my major. I thought I was a white hot writer and future novelist. But there I was, in a little cubicle with a job to only correct manuscript spelling and punctuation. No silver platter, or anything...
Life takes work, and as I like to say: the only way around it is through it. Painful or not, our children will have to figure out how to live without summer vacations. Life occasionally gives high fives and trophies, but they won't get rest stops. It is a constant push to maintain the status quo, make gains and exceed them. No one is going to hand it to them, cute as they were in their Halloween costume in their kindergarten parade. They are the only ones that can make their dreams grow feet.
I had a great conversation with a co-worker who was describing his invalid father as the most emotionally well adjusted man his doctors had ever seen. It's not that he is happy with his physical limitations, but he has come to terms with it without sacrificing his work ethic, self value and purpose in life.
There is a nugget of wisdom here, one worth passing on to our children if we can. The core of who we are needs to shine. We don't get to choose what life dishes out, but we do choose our response. Being the best workers, friends, spouses, children and parents makes a bold statement about life skills they will need. And in the end, let the final lesson be that life is challenging and incredibly worthwhile, even without the standing ovation.
Aug 24, 2009
Anyone's Guess
Most of life includes an element of risk. I can say with absolute certainty that the only regrets I have are times I wasn't daring enough to risk the win.
And so as we age, our bodies and minds become less limber, and we become someone unrecognizable to who we once were, the free spirit, whole earth zen bunny from our glory days who stores our sense of self. We scarcely notice the changes in spirit but they are there.
There is a soaring sense of hope when love envelops us in comfort and safety. It is very alluring. But when we let life beat us into a box, out comes the intolerances that have overtaken our souls. How it ends is anyone's guess.
And so as we age, our bodies and minds become less limber, and we become someone unrecognizable to who we once were, the free spirit, whole earth zen bunny from our glory days who stores our sense of self. We scarcely notice the changes in spirit but they are there.
There is a soaring sense of hope when love envelops us in comfort and safety. It is very alluring. But when we let life beat us into a box, out comes the intolerances that have overtaken our souls. How it ends is anyone's guess.
Aug 9, 2009
Thanks, Dad
John Mayer's lyrics, Daughter
I know a girl, she puts the color inside of my world
She's just like a maze, where all of the walls all continually change
I've done all I can to stand on the steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see maybe it's got nothing to do with me
Fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn in to mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters, too
Oh you see that skin, it's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left cleaning up the mess he made
Reprise
Boys you can break, find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong, boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without warmth of a woman's good heart
On behalf of every man looking out for every girl
You are the God and the weight of the world
Reprise
Reprise
I know a girl, she puts the color inside of my world
She's just like a maze, where all of the walls all continually change
I've done all I can to stand on the steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see maybe it's got nothing to do with me
Fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn in to mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters, too
Oh you see that skin, it's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left cleaning up the mess he made
Reprise
Boys you can break, find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong, boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without warmth of a woman's good heart
On behalf of every man looking out for every girl
You are the God and the weight of the world
Reprise
Reprise
Out with the Old
Our friend Patriot gave up the ghost this week, after five years of companionship and enjoyment. I'm not sure the life expectency of a Beta Fighting Fish, but he was a wisened old fella who came to the top of the bowl for a pat on the fin and puffed up to remind us it was dinnertime. He had a good life.
I'm watching a burgundy fancy fighter named Wasabi who was yesterday's purchase and is destined to become the Advisory class mascot tomorrow. Randy picked Sherman for home and Sherm has a brilliant royal blue body with fins trimmed in bright red. He is still in hiding, probably planning a big offensive.
We discovered a leak in the hall in late June from the a/c drain and insurance will help us replace some of the flooring. Some big decisions need to be made: replacing the heater and a repair or replacement of the a/c; flooring in the hall, the livingroom and the oval office. Complicated by the 'while we're at it' thinking which I am famous for, there have been earnest negotiations going on for the last several weeks.
We were astonished to learn the furnace was the original unit from 1969, still working and serving us well, giving heat on demand and without complaint for 40 years. Admittedly there are more energy efficient units on the market and rebates, too, but will they be able to boast that kind of longevity and service forty years from now? Are American products even being made to last? Either way, the old fella needs to go.
But the a/c unit is only about 14 years and just needs a tune up and repair, although we are being enticed by the sales promise of 30% savings with the new unit. But wait! The savings would only be on the a/c portion of the bill, and so the yield would be relatively small for the four months a year we actively use it. It would take ten years to recoup the cost of replacement. Final answer: we will replace the heater, repair the a/c, and wait for the eventual ban on freon. Add some paint and flooring inside after insurance kicks in and we're back in business.
I'm watching a burgundy fancy fighter named Wasabi who was yesterday's purchase and is destined to become the Advisory class mascot tomorrow. Randy picked Sherman for home and Sherm has a brilliant royal blue body with fins trimmed in bright red. He is still in hiding, probably planning a big offensive.
We discovered a leak in the hall in late June from the a/c drain and insurance will help us replace some of the flooring. Some big decisions need to be made: replacing the heater and a repair or replacement of the a/c; flooring in the hall, the livingroom and the oval office. Complicated by the 'while we're at it' thinking which I am famous for, there have been earnest negotiations going on for the last several weeks.
We were astonished to learn the furnace was the original unit from 1969, still working and serving us well, giving heat on demand and without complaint for 40 years. Admittedly there are more energy efficient units on the market and rebates, too, but will they be able to boast that kind of longevity and service forty years from now? Are American products even being made to last? Either way, the old fella needs to go.
But the a/c unit is only about 14 years and just needs a tune up and repair, although we are being enticed by the sales promise of 30% savings with the new unit. But wait! The savings would only be on the a/c portion of the bill, and so the yield would be relatively small for the four months a year we actively use it. It would take ten years to recoup the cost of replacement. Final answer: we will replace the heater, repair the a/c, and wait for the eventual ban on freon. Add some paint and flooring inside after insurance kicks in and we're back in business.
Jul 19, 2009
Practice Makes Perfect
Life seems to be spinning faster than we can go. We talk about that late at night, when we lay in bed thinking about people we love and how long it's been since we've seen them.
How lucky we are to have people we miss and long to see. My Wicked Step Mother in Cupertino, Randy's Auntie Norma in Walnut Creek and Pop in SF are in their 80s and hang closer to home nowadays. The new generation is on the upswing with graduations, birthdays and weddings, and of course there's our own responsibilities with work and rental units, home improvement projects and yard sales. We're still trying to integrate our households.
Balancing life with 3 families and carving out space for other things we enjoy is a real challenge. I like reading and blogging and he loves to fish, and we'd sure like more easy Saturday afternoon drives or quiet dinners with friends. Making wiser choices with our time may mean sometimes saying no. I'm going to practice that in front of a mirror ... right after I give Uncle Dick and Aunt Shirl a call.
How lucky we are to have people we miss and long to see. My Wicked Step Mother in Cupertino, Randy's Auntie Norma in Walnut Creek and Pop in SF are in their 80s and hang closer to home nowadays. The new generation is on the upswing with graduations, birthdays and weddings, and of course there's our own responsibilities with work and rental units, home improvement projects and yard sales. We're still trying to integrate our households.
Balancing life with 3 families and carving out space for other things we enjoy is a real challenge. I like reading and blogging and he loves to fish, and we'd sure like more easy Saturday afternoon drives or quiet dinners with friends. Making wiser choices with our time may mean sometimes saying no. I'm going to practice that in front of a mirror ... right after I give Uncle Dick and Aunt Shirl a call.
An A for Effort
I wonder about people sometimes. In about 10 days, the house was made rent-ready, and we worked nearly around the clock to paint and clean and move and clear out life, re-setting toilets, fixing blinds, flooring and hanging lights. It was an ambitious amount of work, no doubt, and most of it was done by the time the new tenants arrived. And yes, I did get a complaint call there was some unfinished work and items left in the garage ... Ouch!
Life really is in the details. No matter how much the effort, that last day when you have to push past exhaustion to scratch the last 3 chores from the list is as important as all the big days prior. I hope Tim learned a valuable lesson about how finish work relates to the rest of the job.
The tenants offered for Tim to stay on a while if he'd like, but after seeing the house transformed with their stuff, it didn't feel like his space anymore. So he is off on another nomadic adventure in what I presume is Plan B. He's welcome here but subject to house rules.
That being said, thanks for all your hard work, kids. It was an A in my book.
Life really is in the details. No matter how much the effort, that last day when you have to push past exhaustion to scratch the last 3 chores from the list is as important as all the big days prior. I hope Tim learned a valuable lesson about how finish work relates to the rest of the job.
The tenants offered for Tim to stay on a while if he'd like, but after seeing the house transformed with their stuff, it didn't feel like his space anymore. So he is off on another nomadic adventure in what I presume is Plan B. He's welcome here but subject to house rules.
That being said, thanks for all your hard work, kids. It was an A in my book.
Jul 16, 2009
ZenMan
There's this ecclectic high schooler living a couple of doors down. We've been friends for years; in fact, he was part of Randy's and my first date at the bookstore because he hangs out there. I'd describe him as a liberal, idealistic Democrat, a 60s throwback struggling in this bland metrosexual era. Love, peace, joy, man.
He has this refreshingly unapologetic nature when he ignores the more mundane but essential parts of life, you know, like school, chores, and normal sleep and eating schedules. He is curiosity-driven and delves deeply into a subject when it piques his interest. He nails tests in public school without attending regularly and doesn't think it offers much other than a diploma.
There is a natural curiosity about everything that makes him a great sparring partner on social and political topics. He's passionate about learning, language, music, the world, the internet, global warming and American government. We talk about gay rights, parental controls, national healthcare, top Presidencies of the 20th century, and the Beatles, all in an afternoon. He loves Harry Potter books and violent video games.
He's remarkably effacing. This warm and wise and clever guy has communication skills that are off the charts. Might he derail himself with his lack of focus? It's possible. But what I think more possible is that when his body catches up with his brain, life will take off like a rocket. But first, school.
"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." --Carl Sagan
He has this refreshingly unapologetic nature when he ignores the more mundane but essential parts of life, you know, like school, chores, and normal sleep and eating schedules. He is curiosity-driven and delves deeply into a subject when it piques his interest. He nails tests in public school without attending regularly and doesn't think it offers much other than a diploma.
There is a natural curiosity about everything that makes him a great sparring partner on social and political topics. He's passionate about learning, language, music, the world, the internet, global warming and American government. We talk about gay rights, parental controls, national healthcare, top Presidencies of the 20th century, and the Beatles, all in an afternoon. He loves Harry Potter books and violent video games.
He's remarkably effacing. This warm and wise and clever guy has communication skills that are off the charts. Might he derail himself with his lack of focus? It's possible. But what I think more possible is that when his body catches up with his brain, life will take off like a rocket. But first, school.
"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." --Carl Sagan
Jul 14, 2009
It's All Good
Have you ever noticed that the more stress takes hold, the harder it is to get done what is stressing you out in the first place? I've been told a good way to approach stress is to go outside and clench my fists for 15 seconds. If I do it longer, can I store up extra happy endorphens for later?
I tried clenching my teeth, but that stress relieving strategy seems to be restricted to hands. What about a list? It would be easy to track progress, but then again, maybe it would redouble the stress.
I'll tell you one thing: I am not on board with this It's All Good mindset. What does that mean, exactly? It's not all good!! Stress can't survive in an all-good environment. Let's see how well that Weinermobile driver is embracing the 'no worries' philosophy, shall we?
OK ... close your eyes ... breathe slowly ... count to 50.
So back to this fist clenching idea: this is seriously worth a try (read: I am desperate). Here I am outside in 70 degree weather, in the sun with a little light breeze. I can hear happy chirping sounds coming from the open field across the way.
Gee, I do feel better! Stress is just melting away. This fist clenching thing really works! I'm not sure how to force myself back inside but, hey, it's all good.
I tried clenching my teeth, but that stress relieving strategy seems to be restricted to hands. What about a list? It would be easy to track progress, but then again, maybe it would redouble the stress.
I'll tell you one thing: I am not on board with this It's All Good mindset. What does that mean, exactly? It's not all good!! Stress can't survive in an all-good environment. Let's see how well that Weinermobile driver is embracing the 'no worries' philosophy, shall we?
OK ... close your eyes ... breathe slowly ... count to 50.
So back to this fist clenching idea: this is seriously worth a try (read: I am desperate). Here I am outside in 70 degree weather, in the sun with a little light breeze. I can hear happy chirping sounds coming from the open field across the way.
Gee, I do feel better! Stress is just melting away. This fist clenching thing really works! I'm not sure how to force myself back inside but, hey, it's all good.
Jul 9, 2009
Taking Her Time
Sweet news just in from Blogger Feed:Statia Kealy of Ireland has never married, smoked, drank or even put on makeup. So maybe that's why she's finally ready to cut loose and hit the dating scene at the tender age of 106.
Statia, who could easily pass for 88 or 89, says she's looking for love. If you know any lonely centenarians who live near Ireland, maybe you should pass along her number. She's got a sense of humor, telling one reporter, "Those that get married do well, but those that don't do better." Fiery!
If she can't find a man and is willing to learn Chinese, maybe she could be pen-pals with Wang Guiying, a 107-year old Chinese lady who finds herself in the same "predicament." Although 106 years of eating Pop Tarts alone in bed doesn't necessarily sound so bad.
Jul 7, 2009
Habanero
As I wrapped my arms around their 25 year old son, I reminisced about holding him in my arms at age 4. His folks had gone away for the weekend and he had taken a tumble during a bike ride when I was watching he and his brother. He wrapped his legs around my waist like a Koala bear and tucked into my rib, missing the comfort of mom and any mom would do. Obviously this was the position of choice for that tender-hearted little boy.
It was nice to see them after a brief 20 years, and our lively staccato talk was filled with laughter and stories. There was no lag or loss of continuity, as if the friendship was woven together with one dimensional emails, cards and family photos now upgraded to 3D. It was glorious, vibrant, like talkies - no technicolor talkies! - astonishingly satisfying.
Come play, we rejoined: Texas! California! Oh, we will.
Thank you. Love you.
It was nice to see them after a brief 20 years, and our lively staccato talk was filled with laughter and stories. There was no lag or loss of continuity, as if the friendship was woven together with one dimensional emails, cards and family photos now upgraded to 3D. It was glorious, vibrant, like talkies - no technicolor talkies! - astonishingly satisfying.
Come play, we rejoined: Texas! California! Oh, we will.
Thank you. Love you.
Pomegranate Girl
We've got all this stuff in the garage blocking the way to the workbench. It's draped with old blankets and comforters, piled high with boxes, and I'm fed up with the whole mess. We're stuffed like a turkey in the old house, the new house, the storage unit, and now the garage. Actually, I'd rather put it at the curb with a free sign on it, but RMan's level headedness prevails and so we'll do a yard sale.
The last yard sale was like Amish bartering gone bad -- people traded homemade pomegranate vodka and a little pot for heirlooms such as blown glasses and a Star Wars Millennium Falon model kit. Neighbors came out of the woodwork to visit and some even made return visits to catch up on news and critique our flowers. At one point, Pomegranate Girl popped behind the table and sold a teaset for us. It was a riot.
As irreverent as it is to put my mother's 60s vintage Thomasville heirlooms on the driveway, that's exactly where they'll be: primped and polished and ready for whomever careens to a stop in front of the house.
Gotta dig out somehow. Sorry, Mom.
The last yard sale was like Amish bartering gone bad -- people traded homemade pomegranate vodka and a little pot for heirlooms such as blown glasses and a Star Wars Millennium Falon model kit. Neighbors came out of the woodwork to visit and some even made return visits to catch up on news and critique our flowers. At one point, Pomegranate Girl popped behind the table and sold a teaset for us. It was a riot.
As irreverent as it is to put my mother's 60s vintage Thomasville heirlooms on the driveway, that's exactly where they'll be: primped and polished and ready for whomever careens to a stop in front of the house.
Gotta dig out somehow. Sorry, Mom.
Anticipation
You could say it's been one of those days. Talk had been building for a couple of weeks about a hand-in-glove job change and today was gonna be the day where I'd get the word.
Anticipation is a weird thing. Once momentum starts, it's hard to stop the voices in your head. You deserve this, it says; you've paid your dues. No one is better qualified; take stock of your talents and enjoy the ride! Nowhere does it tell you to hold up, whoa, slow down, don't count your chickens, although you really know you should.
I'd have bet my salary on the deal, and I'm not much of a better. I slide back into place at the desk with faint dusty piles of work and a top drawer that doesn't lock. The same old money jingles in my pocket.
Visualize the process. Celebrate the journey. God knows what he's doing.
Anticipation is a weird thing. Once momentum starts, it's hard to stop the voices in your head. You deserve this, it says; you've paid your dues. No one is better qualified; take stock of your talents and enjoy the ride! Nowhere does it tell you to hold up, whoa, slow down, don't count your chickens, although you really know you should.
I'd have bet my salary on the deal, and I'm not much of a better. I slide back into place at the desk with faint dusty piles of work and a top drawer that doesn't lock. The same old money jingles in my pocket.
Visualize the process. Celebrate the journey. God knows what he's doing.
Jun 23, 2009
Homework
I've believed for a long time that life is cyclic: no, that's not precisely right. It feels more of a continuous loop with joints and cartilidge that can traverse life's obstacles. Sometimes it's not convenient to believe that, especially when life dishes out one bad event after another.
And God knows I have had years with so many balls in the air it blocked out the sun.
Over time, what came from reading the kinds of books I love is that there is positive and negative energy and a natural balance between the two. Whatever you want to name it (karma, mojo), there's a jarring moment when you become aware that your life is either in or out of balance.
God's in it all the way but there's free will to complicate matters, and our imperfect natures that tempt and cloud our judgment and misinterpret or manipulate life to our own advantage. Probably justification is the worst of our sins, because it pre-dates most of our bad decisions, but that's for another blog.
If balance is the goal, restraint is the means. There's shiny things everywhere to catch my eye, activities and chores and work and family that looks fun and engaging. I know this of me, that I want to fit it all in. There is a lesson I know but can't apply: that to keep an optimal balance, I can't do it all . Coming to a place where I can let go and be at peace with the limitations is my homework.
And God knows I have had years with so many balls in the air it blocked out the sun.
Over time, what came from reading the kinds of books I love is that there is positive and negative energy and a natural balance between the two. Whatever you want to name it (karma, mojo), there's a jarring moment when you become aware that your life is either in or out of balance.
God's in it all the way but there's free will to complicate matters, and our imperfect natures that tempt and cloud our judgment and misinterpret or manipulate life to our own advantage. Probably justification is the worst of our sins, because it pre-dates most of our bad decisions, but that's for another blog.
If balance is the goal, restraint is the means. There's shiny things everywhere to catch my eye, activities and chores and work and family that looks fun and engaging. I know this of me, that I want to fit it all in. There is a lesson I know but can't apply: that to keep an optimal balance, I can't do it all . Coming to a place where I can let go and be at peace with the limitations is my homework.
Jun 18, 2009
OZ
Life just smacks you upside the head sometimes.
Went to the doc today to check out a bump on my left hip. No big deal, Doc says, birsitis and sciatica. Exercise, keep losing weight, and do yoga. YOGA?
Anything else? she asked. Now that you mention it, I've noticed my left arm has less range of motion. Can you look at that, too? Oh, and this bunion bugs me. And how about my plantar fascitis and the Olive Oyl shoes I am forced to wear and ... OMG! I've become my mother.
Driving home, as I salivated over a 100 pill supply of Naproxin with - count them: TWO refills! - I realized I'm in OZ: the old zone. Here I am, achy and creaky and cranky in the mornings, having to think long and hard about 2 hours of weeding because I may not be able to move the next day, let alone get up off my knees. I guess Lazer Tag is a definite no.
Nowadays, a healthy weekend recovery plan involves a slugfest day on the sofa in jams, reading a book or watching back to back movies. Yah dah, yah dah, I can say all I want about the greuling pace of life, but the twelve pairs of cheaters strewn all over the house, in the car, at the office, and in the glove box say otherwise.
I would long for the moment when pedaling would slow for a little coasting, and straining muscles could relax, to be able to savor the sun and breeze and earn the moment. Will it ever be as perfect as it was in my head? Probably not. But it's still a place I wanted to see, creaky bones and all.
Went to the doc today to check out a bump on my left hip. No big deal, Doc says, birsitis and sciatica. Exercise, keep losing weight, and do yoga. YOGA?
Anything else? she asked. Now that you mention it, I've noticed my left arm has less range of motion. Can you look at that, too? Oh, and this bunion bugs me. And how about my plantar fascitis and the Olive Oyl shoes I am forced to wear and ... OMG! I've become my mother.
Driving home, as I salivated over a 100 pill supply of Naproxin with - count them: TWO refills! - I realized I'm in OZ: the old zone. Here I am, achy and creaky and cranky in the mornings, having to think long and hard about 2 hours of weeding because I may not be able to move the next day, let alone get up off my knees. I guess Lazer Tag is a definite no.
Nowadays, a healthy weekend recovery plan involves a slugfest day on the sofa in jams, reading a book or watching back to back movies. Yah dah, yah dah, I can say all I want about the greuling pace of life, but the twelve pairs of cheaters strewn all over the house, in the car, at the office, and in the glove box say otherwise.
I would long for the moment when pedaling would slow for a little coasting, and straining muscles could relax, to be able to savor the sun and breeze and earn the moment. Will it ever be as perfect as it was in my head? Probably not. But it's still a place I wanted to see, creaky bones and all.
Jun 15, 2009
Forward March
Eve successfully raised her babies in the Bridal Veil hanging plant by the back slider and last week two astonishingly chubby babies fluttered away. For a few days one of them lingered, totally unconcerned by our daily activity of watering plants and checking the pool. Very cool. And then this week, as the baby built up the courage to explore new worlds, we discovered another egg. What is this, the Holiday Inn?!
We've been in a huddle lately about the future and how to best shape it through planning. The terrible economic conditions have been a super conductor to the discussion, but it was always there, a nagging little itch to plan, plan, plan. I've let my focus be on life in full sail and the beauty of the present scenery.
I know that planning anything yields better results but somehow this topic was mired in my diminishing role in an otherwise productive life. I never have come around to believing I'm getting old.
I've said it a million times: women are adaptable creatures, a big jumble of heart, flexibility and spirit that leaps through the stages of life -- little girls, women, workers, wives, mothers, homemakers, painters, landscapers, photo journalists, educators, medics and psychologists. We are first, last, and invisible as historians of our clan.
So if this isn't about adaptability, it has to be about value and place, and the perception of discarded old people in our country. Maybe it's time to see those wrinkles in the mirror and notice the need for more sleep and a quiet day at home after a long week.
Today looks like a good day to grow up, into life as it stands, not tinted by the sweet memories of noisy children and messy playrooms. I reluctantly admit the time to plan and scheme and dream and work has arrived.
And so I will -- Forward March! -- into wherever, walking boldly and surefooted, through transitions in my thinking, my body, my identity, my perceptions, keeping tight to the faith that the path will be lit.
We've been in a huddle lately about the future and how to best shape it through planning. The terrible economic conditions have been a super conductor to the discussion, but it was always there, a nagging little itch to plan, plan, plan. I've let my focus be on life in full sail and the beauty of the present scenery.
I know that planning anything yields better results but somehow this topic was mired in my diminishing role in an otherwise productive life. I never have come around to believing I'm getting old.
I've said it a million times: women are adaptable creatures, a big jumble of heart, flexibility and spirit that leaps through the stages of life -- little girls, women, workers, wives, mothers, homemakers, painters, landscapers, photo journalists, educators, medics and psychologists. We are first, last, and invisible as historians of our clan.
So if this isn't about adaptability, it has to be about value and place, and the perception of discarded old people in our country. Maybe it's time to see those wrinkles in the mirror and notice the need for more sleep and a quiet day at home after a long week.
Today looks like a good day to grow up, into life as it stands, not tinted by the sweet memories of noisy children and messy playrooms. I reluctantly admit the time to plan and scheme and dream and work has arrived.
And so I will -- Forward March! -- into wherever, walking boldly and surefooted, through transitions in my thinking, my body, my identity, my perceptions, keeping tight to the faith that the path will be lit.
Jun 5, 2009
Tweaking
Words take on all sorts of other meanings in today's society, but tweaking still means to me the intricate final adjustments when two things fit together.
No truer is that than with relationships. Strong at first, big and bold, a present moment thrill ride that seems like it condenses life into a series of dense bursts of feeling, each stronger than the next. It's addictive, this place we go when love is new.
And then time settles us down, into a routine, and the balance sheet of compatibility begins. There are things we notice, as the relationship tweaks and broadens. We begin integrating who we are with who we are to each other. If all goes well, we advance.
No longer a roller coaster ride, the relationship is at the apex of discovery as families and friends integrate and bond. Life today is so different, the way I spend time, with whom and how. A tinge of longing bubbles up -- melancholy, maybe -- and I vaguely miss something I can't identify. What is it I forgot to pack?
The baby doves in the nest are nearly grown now, right before our eyes, nurtured and protected by their doting parents. And I wonder, as they spread their wings and hop around the hanging plant under the eaves, if they realize the changes in store on this final stretch before they complete their journey. It will never be the same once they decide to go. They will return as parents someday, under our awning off the back porch, but it will not be the same. But we will celebrate them anyway: our hearts full of hope as they flutter and fly.
No truer is that than with relationships. Strong at first, big and bold, a present moment thrill ride that seems like it condenses life into a series of dense bursts of feeling, each stronger than the next. It's addictive, this place we go when love is new.
And then time settles us down, into a routine, and the balance sheet of compatibility begins. There are things we notice, as the relationship tweaks and broadens. We begin integrating who we are with who we are to each other. If all goes well, we advance.
No longer a roller coaster ride, the relationship is at the apex of discovery as families and friends integrate and bond. Life today is so different, the way I spend time, with whom and how. A tinge of longing bubbles up -- melancholy, maybe -- and I vaguely miss something I can't identify. What is it I forgot to pack?
The baby doves in the nest are nearly grown now, right before our eyes, nurtured and protected by their doting parents. And I wonder, as they spread their wings and hop around the hanging plant under the eaves, if they realize the changes in store on this final stretch before they complete their journey. It will never be the same once they decide to go. They will return as parents someday, under our awning off the back porch, but it will not be the same. But we will celebrate them anyway: our hearts full of hope as they flutter and fly.
May 30, 2009
Regina Brett
Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio
To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolls over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."
To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolls over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."
May 19, 2009
Guarding the Gate
I've had the chance to listen to seniors tell the stories of their lives as they present their Senior Portfolios before graduation day on May 30th. Their stories are poignant and compelling. It is hard to imagine their words, their memories, as they stand before us in high heels and pretty dresses, suit jackets and ties. The air is full of promise, and success, as they finish high school and hold college acceptance letters in their hands. Here in the moment it dramatically illustrates what the impact a loving support group has on the life of a child.
Families seem durable and rugged, but they are not. They are shred by poverty, and violence, indifference, divorce and mental illness. I listen to them, to how they got to this moment and their climb out of a culture of failure that contributed to their journey but did not define it. Here, they put to words the truth of those who took their hand and helped them along. The names of teachers, coaches, pastors, neighbor families, and grandparents fill the room with gratitude and love.
The daughters I have grown to love had an unstable childhood which has dogged them into adulthood. They understand all too well the importance of being Lions Guarding the Gate of their childrens' innocence and breaking the cycle of indifference. I listen gently to their journeys and grieve for them and applaud their courage. The wounds still bleed but I know someday it will stop. They are wonderful parents, these girls. One has raised six children under extreme circumstances and the children continue to thrive. Another has stepped forward to raise her nieces and nephew, although she and her husband have no children of their own. They taught themselves how to sacrifice every day, postpone their own plans, re-route their goals, because they know what not doing it will mean.
This I believe: no child is someone else's problem. It is sometimes inconvenient or complicated to intercede when we see crisis or neglect, but we must. Adults need to become an instrument of change when children need our help. Always, and forever, children come first.
Who knows what a simple outstretched hand will do, a gesture of kindness, a nutritious meal, a trip to the zoo, or a ride to church? If all of us are charged with being Lions, children will receive the love, support, dignity and respect they deserve. No one knows better than these high schoolers where they would be without it.
Families seem durable and rugged, but they are not. They are shred by poverty, and violence, indifference, divorce and mental illness. I listen to them, to how they got to this moment and their climb out of a culture of failure that contributed to their journey but did not define it. Here, they put to words the truth of those who took their hand and helped them along. The names of teachers, coaches, pastors, neighbor families, and grandparents fill the room with gratitude and love.
The daughters I have grown to love had an unstable childhood which has dogged them into adulthood. They understand all too well the importance of being Lions Guarding the Gate of their childrens' innocence and breaking the cycle of indifference. I listen gently to their journeys and grieve for them and applaud their courage. The wounds still bleed but I know someday it will stop. They are wonderful parents, these girls. One has raised six children under extreme circumstances and the children continue to thrive. Another has stepped forward to raise her nieces and nephew, although she and her husband have no children of their own. They taught themselves how to sacrifice every day, postpone their own plans, re-route their goals, because they know what not doing it will mean.
This I believe: no child is someone else's problem. It is sometimes inconvenient or complicated to intercede when we see crisis or neglect, but we must. Adults need to become an instrument of change when children need our help. Always, and forever, children come first.
Who knows what a simple outstretched hand will do, a gesture of kindness, a nutritious meal, a trip to the zoo, or a ride to church? If all of us are charged with being Lions, children will receive the love, support, dignity and respect they deserve. No one knows better than these high schoolers where they would be without it.
May 13, 2009
Feet in the Pool
I miss blogging. Like something pulling you from a comfortable sleep, it takes a while to come around to what it is that disturbed you. I've carved out some leisure reading time and already gulped down two books. House projects, here and in Elk Grove, are taking shape. I'm particularly excited about painting the house, putting up window boxes and awnings.
Family plans dominate the rest of the time.
On the horizon: two granddaughter wedding, three niece/nephew graduations, the 21st birthday for my son and my best friend's birthday. I'm tossing back what I've taken over the past couple of years, pounds-wise. (Already lost 5) There's no better diet incentive than to make plans to see friends you haven't seen in a while (thank you Jeff and Susan, Jen and Jeannette!!!).
Mother's Day was in high spirits, lots of laughter and storytelling. Work seems busier than ever, the library is taking shape (especially the teacher resource room) and I'm scurrying around doing a lot of different things that I like. Mike has a big race coming up over Memorial weekend in Sparks, NV. You should check out his blog - it's a riot: http://iwannaroc.blogspot.com/
The dove couple has two eggs in the nest under the eaves and we co-habitate nicely. Our red, white, and blue toned Beta fighting fish (Patriot) is in his 5th year and going strong. We will obviously spend more time with the grandkids, and the kids, now that summer is here. I'll just blog with the laptop propped on my knees and my feet in the pool.
Family plans dominate the rest of the time.
On the horizon: two granddaughter wedding, three niece/nephew graduations, the 21st birthday for my son and my best friend's birthday. I'm tossing back what I've taken over the past couple of years, pounds-wise. (Already lost 5) There's no better diet incentive than to make plans to see friends you haven't seen in a while (thank you Jeff and Susan, Jen and Jeannette!!!).
Mother's Day was in high spirits, lots of laughter and storytelling. Work seems busier than ever, the library is taking shape (especially the teacher resource room) and I'm scurrying around doing a lot of different things that I like. Mike has a big race coming up over Memorial weekend in Sparks, NV. You should check out his blog - it's a riot: http://iwannaroc.blogspot.com/
The dove couple has two eggs in the nest under the eaves and we co-habitate nicely. Our red, white, and blue toned Beta fighting fish (Patriot) is in his 5th year and going strong. We will obviously spend more time with the grandkids, and the kids, now that summer is here. I'll just blog with the laptop propped on my knees and my feet in the pool.
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